


goodbye, flower thief

by hanijima



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Implied Attempted Suicide, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Past! Kris/Jongdae, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 18:06:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanijima/pseuds/hanijima
Summary: Yifan is immortal and Baekhyun is not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> head to end notes for a more detailed list of warnings.
> 
> title lifted from [ this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKE9-PIdJfQ) song.

A lot of people would argue that immortality is a gift for any lucky human being. Yifan thought that way too before, when he was in his blissful twenties. But a hundred and more years have slipped through his fingers, and he doesn’t look a day older than twenty six. He doesn’t have any magic anymore, not the only punishment he’s under. If Yifan could, he would end his long suffering, but a curse such as immortality would just piece himself together no matter how horrible the physical damage. Yifan tries to accept his punishment for the law he broke, refusing to regret his mistake. Eventually he’ll become unfeeling and just be a living corpse. He can’t wait until then.

 

 

Yifan remembers the first time he met Baekhyun, the deafening crescendo of the night roaring in his ears. The world had dropped Baekhyun in his hands like a precious gift wrapped in glitter and attached with a sign that says “me, choose me.” Until now, Yifan wonders if that night had been the beginning of the end. He had stumbled and fallen face-first into the pavement, heartless for he gave it to the man whose smile rendered him weak. Baekhyun had gathered him and put him back together after he fell and the next time Yifan tripped, Baekhyun had him by the arm and wasn’t letting go. 

 

 

One day, Baekhyun will cease to exist. Will become nothing but a memory, another speck of information in Yifan’s never ending life. He holds on, keeps kissing Baekhyun until they’re both breathless, panting, and laughing because _Yifan, we’re missing the best part of the movie!_ , keeps staring at Baekhyun a little too long because he wants to commit the slope of Baekhyun’s cheeks, the upturn of his nose, the crinkle of his eyes to memory. That even when he closes his eyes, Baekhyun will emerge from the darkness of his mind and wash his world with a bright light. 

 

 

Yifan makes it a habit to put Baekhyun’s health first. Stops Baekhyun from eating pancakes in the middle of the night, stops Baekhyun from leaving without eating breakfast, stops Baekhyun from drinking too much.Baekhyun boasts about rarely getting sick, but when he does it’s a terrible thing. _Yifan it’s fine,_ Baekhyun grins, red nose twitching. He looks so small whenever he looks up at Yifan, especially when he’s fixing a beanie on his head. Yifan always makes sure to wrap him up in three warm layers before going out. Baekhyun always tells him that Yifan’s red scarf is enough and Yifan indulgently smiles; the red looks better on Baekhyun. 

 

 

Baekhyun’s coughs last for weeks and Yifan curses at death knocking on Baekhyun’s door. It’s not time, he still hasn’t spent forever with Baekhyun. This can’t be the end. The hacking and coughing turn out to be just a terrible bug, and the truth almost slip from Yifan’s lips as easy as Baekhyun kisses away the sad tears cascading down Yifan’s cheeks. It’s comforting, but Yifan reminds himself again and again how Baekhyun is normal and that one day he will be dusting Baekhyun’s headstone and replacing yesterday’s hydrangeas with fresh roses. Forever is what Yifan has, and what life Baekhyun has is his forever too. 

 

 

Someday, he will have to face the music to keep Baekhyun by his side. 

 

 

Baekhyun is thirty, and he still doesn’t tell Baekhyun after the five years that they’ve been together. They’ve moved out to a new place, a small house by the beach, where the sunset is as marvellous as the sunrise, and the blue waves slap gently against the feet Baekhyun dug into the sand. It’s cold all around, night and day, but Baekhyun in Yifan’s arms would make everything seem normal, temperate. 

 

 

The nightmares start when Baekhyun eases himself into a comfortable position beside Yifan for the millionth time. He looks small and contented as he sighs and kisses Yifan goodnight. It should have been obvious then, because his life is nothing but a punishment now, and long years of uninterrupted bliss with Baekhyun should have been a bright neon red sign. 

 

 

Months pass in their new house and Baekhyun begins to feel like a dream. Seasons turn indistinctive; it’s only either night or day in the house. Yifan still sleeps, easily woken up by Baekhyun’s small whimpers in the night, but still sleeps lightly afterwards. Maybe his dreams extended into reality. Maybe their happy little home is now plastic rather than wood; the mattress they lie on turn into concrete and cold metal. But all inconsistent thoughts disperse when Baekhyun turns to him, sleepy eyes and soft lips curling into a smile. In all the few years that they’ve been together, Yifan notices that Baekhyun likes carding his beautiful fingers to tousle Yifan’s hair in the morning. Frankly, Yifan loves it just as much. It’s a comforting feeling as Baekhyun’s fingers skitter down to hold his face for a quick kiss _“good morning”_. Yifan in turn moves to kiss that small mole above Baekhyun’s lips, _“hello my sunshine.”_

 

 

He should be hearing birds chirping outside their bedroom window, but Baekhyun’s heartbeat is too loud in his ears, filling him, distracting him. Baekhyun’s eyes crinkle into crescents as he laughs gently, the crow’s feet looking like a measurement of Baekhyun’s warmth. _Too much smiling_ , he thinks fondly. 

 

 

Yifan pulls Baekhyun in his arms for a hug. Baekhyun feels bony, slim, small, fragile—breakable. Something cracks and Baekhyun’s brown hair is black now and the square shaped smile turns kittenish, soft supple skin turns into chiselled jaws and tight muscles in place of piano fingers are calloused ones, no longer pretty but still capable. 

 

 

Yifan panics. He remembers the wrongs, the broken necks and the marred flesh, sulphur, high pitched laughter and deep moving voices like that of a siren’s. Mistakes. So many mistakes. Solutions that didn’t work. Punishment. Jongdae. Immortality. 

 

 

Yifan feels like he’s drowning, chest heavy as he holds on tighter. Dream. Just a dream. Baekhyun is real. Baekhyun is alive and very real. Baekhyun is safe haven and obnoxious pop songs in the shower, instigator of footsies underneath the dinner table. Baekhyun is very much alive, beautiful, not a mistake. The right answer, the best answer, all of the above. Baekhyun hums against his chest, soft air blowing making branches knock on window panes. It’s just branches, just branches blown by the wind. Yifan closes his eyes and breathes the summery smell of Baekhyun’s hair. He’s been outside again, photosynthesizing, he jokes, but Baekhyun under the sun is like a painting worshipped and blessed. With Baekhyun’s cheeky smile and the soft kisses of the sun on his exposed skin, shadows crawling against crevices, shying from the sun’s kiss. Beautiful is just a word and if it were human, it would look like Baekhyun. 

 

 

Yifan claws at the sheets, doubles over in pain. His eyes burn from the tears he’s holding back, and his throat feels like it’s been stuffed with cotton. Baekhyun, real. Jongdae gone, gone, gone, _dead_. Wake up, wake up, thrashing and stumbling, pillowcases ripped to shreds, white sheets turn bloody, white, red, white, red. 

 

 

Suddenly, he’s on the floor, knees bent and aching. No, no, _stop, please_. Jongdae is lying in front of him, pale, white, cold, blood drained cheeks. He blinks away the tears and suddenly he’s holding Jongdae up in his trembling hands, and he blinks again and it’s Baekhyun’s peaceful face who’s fallen asleep again with his mouth hanging open. 

 

 

If Baekhyun notices the changes, the way Yifan shies away from his touches, he doesn’t say. Baekhyun’s smile is still bright as sunlight, and Yifan empties himself in the bathroom after breakfast, all the sweet chocolate and sprinkles making Yifan sob quietly into the crook of his elbow. He can’t eat anything without remembering rotting flesh, and it’s so unfair to Baekhyun when he cooks Yifan’s favourite dish and Yifan secretly flushes down dinner when Baekhyun offers to clean up. It’s so wrong and so fucked up because Yifan had centuries to move on, to forget but his damn mind fucks up and there’s no more hazy feeling of bliss, there’s no more birds chirping, and no more laughter to drown out the bad thoughts. 

 

 

 

 

Even if Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, Yifan caves when Baekhyun wraps his fingers around Yifan’s wrist, kisses his palm, and presses it against his cheek. Yifan knows that Baekhyun knows that there’s something left unsaid, hanging and toxic. Yifan falls onto the bed with Baekhyun’s chest as his pillow and he stops himself from pouring out his thoughts. Baekhyun doesn’t deserve all the darkness hidden inside Yifan, Baekhyun doesn’t deserve the emotional baggage Yifan has. Baekhyun stops carding his fingers through Yifan’s hair and just presses a light kiss on the top of his head. 

 

 

It’s too hard for Yifan to fall asleep even when Baekhyun’s arms are still wrapped strongly around him, securing him, comforting him. He manages though, when the waves outside overpowers the sound of the demons whispering in Yifan’s ears. 

 

 

Yet another nightmare comes to him. Jongdae is holding his face still as he kisses his forehead, his nose, his lips, until he pulls back and with the soft upturn of his eyebrows, cries in front of him. Jongdae, pitiful Jongdae, doesn’t say anything when he opens his mouth but Yifan could hear no waves outside, no chirping birds, no branches tapping on the window. It’s all a dream, and the only sound is Jongdae’s tears and the never ending memories of how he screamed when he couldn’t bring him back to life. He needs to bury Jongdae, he needs to end the nightmares, Baekhyun is what’s real not the stupid red scarf wrapped around a crying Jongdae’s neck. 

 

 

When Yifan’s dream grants him movement, he throws Jongdae across the floor and makes a necklace of his hands on Jongdae’s pale neck over the scarf. If he can’t die, surely his dreams could. It physically pains Yifan to be seeing the lights leaving Jongdae’s eyes again, but the thought of spending many more years with Baekhyun without the vomiting and the nightmares fuel him with a rage he’s kept dormant for centuries. Yifan doesn’t stop even when the struggle subsides and the crashing waves come back into focus. Jongdae shouldn’t be wearing red. 

 

 

Yifan blinks and tears are blurring his vision. It’s so painful to think about Baekhyun in Jongdae’s place, how the sun will never shine again, how the darkness won’t stop consuming everything he loves. Yifan waits at the porch of their quaint little home. He lights a cigarette, one that he keeps at the back of the bedroom dresser and waits for the light to crawl over the lifeless body inside, waits for himself to wake up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: implied attempted suicide, vomiting, major and minor character death, past!yifan/jongdae
> 
>  -if this fic made you go "wait what?" or "wtf" at some point i have done my job /pats self  
> -it's not fleshed out but yifan previously practiced magick  
> -but when jongdae died he tried to revive jongdae and it failed  
> -he got found out and stripped of magick and got cursed with immortality


End file.
